Under Pressure.

My Newcastle interview is on Monday and it’s safe to say that I’m starting to feel the pressure ever so slightly. I’m not nervous for the interview as such, I’m actually more nervous about the wait afterwards and the possibility of rejection. Even though I still have four other universities to hear from, this feels like my last chance and it’s as if all my proverbial eggs are pretty much in the one basket. There are only 18 places on the Newcastle course so it’s really quite competitive and I’d love to be offered a place – the course sounds fantastic and Newcastle is a city I can most definitely see myself living in for the next two years!

Probably the most pressurising thing though is the weight of everyone else’s expectations. My friends, family and colleagues have all been absolutely lovely and said some really positive and complementary things to me which is great but also, for some reason, adds on a whole load of added pressure. People think I’ll do well or I’ll get onto the course and while that’s a massive confidence boost, it feels like everyone expects me to be successful and that for me just makes things ten times more intense. In theory, this is probably the easier bit for me – I’ve always said if I can get my foot in the door and get myself an interview, I should be alright as I’m pretty confident and I come across much better in person than I do on paper. However, that doesn’t make this any less nerve-racking.

In a strange way though, I’m a lot calmer than I thought I would be. By now, I expected myself to be fully freaking out and just generally having a bit of a panic. Instead, it’s almost as if I’ve managed to convince myself that this is a practice run for next year and I’m not actually going to get a place but I may as well just go in there and give it a shot on the off-chance. In a way it doesn’t feel quite right, not just yet, almost as if I do actually need another year of practical work  experience and then I’ll be fully ready to do the course and do it properly. Obviously, I’d love to get a place this year but I’d understand why if not and I’m slowly accepting the idea that a year back at home, in another related job could be good for me – if worst came to worst, at least I’d be able to afford a holiday next year! Fingers crossed though that it doesn’t come to that and I get to spend the next two years of my life in the North-East, being an extra on Geordie Shore!

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